For many of us, it isn’t just what we do for a living that’s important; it’s who we do it with. According to a study in the Journal of Applied Communication Research, “co-worker liking” had a high positive correlation to job satisfaction. But maintaining enjoyable, healthy relationships with co-workers isn’t always easy in high stress, competitive environments. Consider the following situation and the five simple steps you can take to manage the interaction and come out feeling good about yourself in the process.

Situation: Your boss assigns you to a big project that will be getting a lot of attention within the organization. You are thrilled about the opportunity, but dismayed when you find out your boss has also assigned one of your co-workers to lead it with you. You like the co-worker personally, but in your past experience working on projects together you’ve found that you usually do 80% of the work, and when it’s complete she has no problem taking 50% of the credit. You are determined to not let that happen again, but you’re also nervous about difficult conversations and confrontations you anticipate happening.

• Remember, you are not a mind reader: Do not assume the co-worker is thinking “Sweet! I’m partnered with a workhorse. I know I won’t have to do much and I’ll still look good…” By making assumptions about what someone else is thinking, it becomes your truth—even though it may not actually be true. You enter the situation on the defensive, with a suspicious, negative mindset, which is never a good way to begin a partnership.

• Set ground rules: Put a plan in place that clearly outlines everyone’s responsibilities. Make sure it’s in writing, and share it with your boss so she’s also aware of who’s responsible for what.  If your co-worker is not doing her part, it is now easier to approach the subject since it was agreed upon by all parties up front.  Also, make sure to address your co-worker directly before going to your boss so she’s aware that you have an issue with the situation. Give her the opportunity to fix it before involving anyone else.

• Just the facts, ma’am: If you feel like your co-worker is slacking, make sure that you stick to only the facts when reviewing the situation—both in your head and with her. It’s our natural reaction to add some color commentary to a heated situation, so attempt to take the emotion out of the interaction to come across more professional and less accusatory. For example:  “We agreed that you’d be done with the budget by Friday, and it’s not complete. Can you let me know what your plan is to get it done in the next 24 hours?” versus  “You’re not done yet?? Are you kidding me? It’s going to put us so far behind!!” You can see how the different lines of questioning will likely garner very different responses.

• Never say never (or always): When having a difficult conversation, try to remove the words “never” and “always” from your vocabulary.  It’s hard to stick with the facts when using extremes like “You are always late!” or “You never support me in meetings.” Most likely neither of these things are true, even though it’s how you feel. However, you won’t accomplish your goals (of your co-worker arriving on time or supporting you in meetings) if you approach her with extremes instead of the facts.

• There IS an “I” in “Team”: When a difficult conversation is necessary, it’s much easier to make it about you versus the other person. Using “I statements” forces you to share how you are feeling about what your co-worker is doing rather than making it about her and immediately putting her on the defensive.  You can see how “I feel taken advantage of when you ask me to do your portion of the proposal” is more difficult to dispute than “I have to do everything. You always get away with the easiest part!” No one can argue with how you are feeling, because, well, they are your feelings. But as soon as you tell someone else they are doing something wrong, their natural reaction will be to defend themselves.

The gist of these five rules can apply to all relationships, not just at work. If you can remember to remain factual about the situation and stick with explaining how you feel, you’ll set yourself up for the best chance of having a productive interaction—one that helps you accomplish your goal and still feel good about yourself in the process.

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