As a psychotherapist, I’ve generally been of the mindset that a good ol’ face-to-face conversation is the most effective way to connect with another human being on an emotional level. Like many therapists, I’ve been wary of the way communication has changed throughout the digital era, which is to say I’ve been mindful of what I perceived to be surface-level connections through 140-character text limits, or time taken away from connecting with the people who really matter—those sitting next to you on the couch—as you check out a friend of a friend’s trip to Hawaii on Facebook. I found myself judging those whose online personas completely outshine their in-person personalities, assuming it’s easier for them to be sparkly, witty, and overly opinionated when they don’t have to see the faces of the people with whom they are communicating. I thought about how empty their lives must be, not being able to connect in the flesh. I patted myself on the back for being able to have real conversations with people. And for not joining Twitter…
Well, I was knocked off my high horse pretty swiftly this week.
I sit on the board of directors for a fantastic non-profit organization called POEM, which helps new mothers suffering from postpartum depression and other perinatal mood disorders. Our board meetings start and end with a “mission moment,” during which the executive director shares how moms using POEM’s services have been helped since our last meeting. This week, the mission moment was about the increase in attendance of the monthly support group meetings. I, of course, felt smug; this is how moms should be seeking help—in a face-to-face setting so they can see, hear, and feel, firsthand, others going through similar difficulties.
Then she shared the reason for the increase in attendance…
Facebook.
The support group leaders have recently created a closed group on Facebook for the moms seeking help from POEM to connect and chat in between meetings. What they weren’t expecting was for it to be a major catalyst for real relationships. Women were joining in droves, and they weren’t just writing encouraging posts of support and understanding; they were making lunch and play dates with one another. Thanks to this online group, they all felt more compelled to go to the actual support group meeting because they had “tested the waters” and felt comfortable with the other women in attendance. Plus, they were going shopping afterward!
Also, thanks to the online group, there were not only more moms in attendance at the support group, there were more moms being helped by POEM. Women who were unable to make it to the group because of physical distance, transportation, or babysitter issues were still able to get the support they were seeking through the Facebook conversations. And the online group has become so popular that the support group leaders now have a bimonthly moderated online chat—a virtual support group in real time.
In an e-mail to the support group leader, one mom noted (paraphrased), “Although I don’t post on the boards, just reading the other posts and knowing others are experiencing what I am experiencing is enough to get me through the day.”
So, a big lesson learned. It’s time for me to embrace the inevitable and allow myself to see the emotional benefits that can come from connecting virtually. Though I still believe that online connections cannot fully replace face-to-face connections, they certainly can enhance and enable them.

